Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Hobbyist JonathanMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 185 Deviations 2,195 Comments 12,042 Pageviews

Newest Deviations




Words haven't meant as much to me, since they betrayed me.

You remind me of how it was to write.  To explore thought and emotion
and sound out exactly how many consonants are needed for sadness
compared to the ululating vowels of joy.

You remind me of how a crystaline tear will freeze,
and how a smile will burst forth from an over-insulated heart.

You remind me of the way self-conscious flares of happiness
pierce through intestines tied up in knots.

You remind me of writing poetry on a sunlit day with a breeze in the air,
and how I betrayed words, when they stopped meaning as much to me,
after I met you.
This Journal Post is jointly Showcase and Introspective.  I decided to go back through my deviations, and find out what of my poems had performed the best on receiving Favorites.  It's a slightly imperfect metric, based off of how well my poems are advertised, but the good ones certainly have taken off.  The following list has one exempted, and I'll explain that below.  I've also put a few additional comments on why I think these have taken off.

My most favorited poems are:
1. On His Smile - 12  
2. A Graffiti Promise - 10
3.… She Has Not Asked - 8
4. On How We Interact - 6
5. I'm Really Glad You're Ill - 5
5. The Last Leaf of Winter - 5

Ironically, my true #1 favorite "To The Servant of Evil" (with 13 favorites) is popular mostly based, I feel, on advertising.  While I did put actual content and effort into it, most of the favorites come from the fact that I based it off of a Vocaloid song, which has a rabid following(ok, maybe they don't Froth at the mouth quite so much.)  It's still a good poem, though.

#1) "On His Smile"
This poem's popularity took me by surprise. I hadn't realized until just how much audience sympathy I garnered with "On His Smile", a poem which, I think, well describes an emotional response.  It's decidedly on the happy end of the poem spectrum, and I think it well deserves being my most favorited.
On His SmileWhen she sees his smile,
A magma joy blossoms within her.
For his smile is of her crafting,
and it is her warm, prided longing
to caress the work of her own hands
that seeks to pull her heated, beating heart
from its place at the corners of her eyes,
out from the upturned edges of her lips,
through the very extremities of her tingling fingers,
and into a beautiful gift.
Just for him.
To keep him warm.
For his joy draws from somewhere
very near the base of her love;
and she could not stand to lose it.

#2) "A Graffiti Promise"
My #2 most liked poem came into being as actual graffiti.  I 'tagged' a chalk board with poetic fervor after a college class. (The teacher stopped what they were doing and just watched, intrigued. It was brilliant.)  The consensus seems to be that it's strength is how potently effective it is in getting it's message across.
A Graffiti PromiseEvery breath you spend in me
is an investment in the poem
I will craft wholly of your breaths
so that when I am breathless of desire,
you will know why you loved me.

#3) "She Has Not Asked"
"She Has Not Asked" is a potent poem of longing.  I use slightly archaic modes of getting the message across, and it's a good indication of what flavor my poetry has attained, in the direction it has been headed since I started writing.  Commentators have universally indicated being too stunned for words, likely due to an exceptionally strong concluding stanza.
She Has Not AskedYou've tendered me two questions
I've long wanted Her to ask.
I cannot refuse to answer those,
Since it's my burden if nobody knows
The full sum I would give,
   for Her confidence and love?
Every resource my heart has.
You pose a good query.
What, even,
   is guarded from Her already?
But what, even,
   do I guard from you?!
There is no corner of my heart lock'd;
Nor door that I would not admit Her through.
but oh!  The blessing it would be
to entrust with Her the key.
To give Her rooms to lock;
Cherished belongings to reserve;
A safe abode She could preserve;
That would never be opened to vandals,
no nor to living saints again.

#4) "On How We Interact"
This poem may be headed for great things, as it is the youngest poem on the list, just over a month old.  "On How we Interact" dissects a relationship that has come to be dominated by a gradually revealed aftermath.  The formatting really carries the piece.
On how we InteractI don't mean to treat you like a friend
I don't mean to view you like a foe.
I don't like to balance all your words,
I don't enjoy calculating my replies,
or maintaining an, honestly, filtered facade.
I'm sorry that I rationalized.
I'm sorry that I entrusted her to you.
I paid the price, my trust was shattered.
I paid the price, I let you wound me.
She paid the price, and now she's gone.
I can't trust myself
to treat with you unguarded.
I can't trust you at all.

#5) Tie #1 - "I'm Really Glad You're Ill"
I'm glad to report that a piece of feel good humor made the list.  It's not a very serious poem, I could drive trucks through its gaps in syntax, but it'll get along with you ok for all of that.  "I'm Really Glad You're Ill" taught me a lesson about what happens when a poet runs out of words - he has to hurry to the store and get some more! :D
I'm really glad you're illI'm really happy you are ill;
…Except your brain has gone caput,
the room will not keep still
and you can't feel your foot.
Sure, you do not feel your best,
But you'll soon get all the finest soups,
Delivered at my personal behest,
Straight from world class chicken coops!
Your gape mouthed stare enthralls me.
For as long until your fever breaks,
I feel like I can see your thoughts
Just by peeking while your eye dilates.
As you're buried under blankets,
Shivering, and forced to moan,
I beg you, think just briefly,
Of the benefits to your muscle tone.
You've saved a trip to the sauna,
I see by your sweat-laden, grimy face,
Just imagine how well this 'sickness',
Your caramel skin exfoliates!
You've even gotten a thoughtful poem,
From yours truly, to show I care,
And lastly, may I, just briefly, add:
"Keep your grubby germs over there!"

#5) Tie #2 - "The Last Leaf of Winter"
This is the best of my 'storytelling' poems.  I expect you'll look back fondly on the stronger than nostalgic feeling elicited through strong imagery in "The Last Leaf of Winter".
The Last Leaf of WinterI remember you like a cypress would
frozen in a still, timeless breeze,
with barren boughs frigid against the sky;
only the last leaf of winter
tenaciously clinging to memory;
and my roots delven beneath the earth,
dreaming of warmth and nourishment and light.
My only memory is of your face,
setting on the horizon like the autumn sun,
beaming for just an instant, then blushing red,
disappearing hotly against my shoulder as
your dark hair obscured you from me.  
Night's curly tendrils.
and a single droplet
of the coming storm
slid from your cheek and boiled
against my collarbone.
I love you like I remember the heat,
imprinted in my outermost ring,
A late autumn sunset's memory shone
upon the last leaf until spring.

This was a fun look for me, and I hope you enjoy it too, especially if you haven't had a chance to examine these premier poems.

Lastly, just three honorable mentions that I think are exceptionally worthy of more attention.
# ", Love" - a old poem that contains a hidden title, which I've yet to see someone crack.
#… "Every Time" - I've disabled comments on this poem, and I think that's discouraged favorites, too.  I've received the most face-to-face comments on this outside of deviant art, in person.  I'm proud of it.
#… "Heart's Thief" - A little emotional distress poured into an impassioned plea marked the dawning of any real skill I have as a poet.

Feel free to explore my gallery.  Other things I've written speak to different people and in different ways, and a few more I'd mark as equally good to the ones on this list.  Thanks for dropping by, and sticking around ;)
  • Mood: Pride
  • Listening to: Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something


Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Current Residence: There's a beach around here somewhere :)
Favourite genre of music: Swelling/ inspirational(no lyrics)(think soundtracks)
Operating System: Windows XP

AdCast - Ads from the Community



Add a Comment:
akarra Featured By Owner May 30, 2012  Student Writer
"Yellow Roses" is magnificent! You really employ imagery well.

A poem I wrote recently that might be of interest: [link]
shikamarunokage Featured By Owner May 8, 2012  Student Artisan Crafter
Jon! We need to hang out or something man.
Vanidar Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You have an absolutely valid point. Whatcha wanna go do? :D
shikamarunokage Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Student Artisan Crafter
Next Saturday my place 7pm anime and starcraft and brawl
Vanidar Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Send details in text. I am intrigued.
Alakittynya Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'll draw you as an anime character~ :meow: and THANK YEW FOR THE POINTS! :icondummydanceplz:
Vanidar Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oooh, goodie. I'm looking forward to it.

And I hope they can be useful to you, it took me forever to build that many up.
Alakittynya Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh, they will :meow: I'll find a use for them~ :dummy:
Vanidar Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
How's this going, anyways? ;)
(1 Reply)
dismaldaydreamer Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey, it's Tracy from the bonfire! :wave: You've got some beautiful poetry going on!
Add a Comment: